a song for your heart, and only your heart.
a series of outtakes from a shoot i did for vintage basement.
we shot four different looks on the same day, which i will be uploading in the next few posts. we wanted to have as many different ones as we could have so there isn't much consistency which i normally aim for (but recently finding hard to keep up with) nevertheless i had an amazing day with such a great team. it just reminds me how important it is to work as one, and how much more fun it can be too :D
but it is no longer dark now
and light passes through him like he's made of glass
and it dances in different colours,
and they are no longer shades of grey.
the warmth tingles his coat of ice
the frozen boy melts.
since last month was lgbt history month, i did a little project at college to contribute to the display that was being done to raise awareness and such. these pictures were printed out in massive sizes (well they looked pretty big to me) and were on display for a week, kind of like an exhibition, which was pretty exciting, not only because it was for a purpose, but also on a personal level, i felt like it was an achievement that my pictures were there in the physical world to be viewed by other people.
this post is clearly long overdue and me having the uncanny ability to procrastinate for unbelieveable lengths of time did not really help. nevertheless, i would still like to put in words, what i originally set out to do by taking these pictures, and what feelings i wanted to convey. i do have my own opinions and i am arguably voicing them here even though i say i am only describing the 'emotions' behind these pictures, but i will try to restrict those for now and keep them related to the pictures, otherwise i will just end up having a massively long rant about how homophobic people or anyone against the minority sexualities are just stupid which i'm pretty sure isn't the best thing to do :)
society works in a very peculiar way. you have the 'right' and 'wrong', 'normal' and 'abnormal', 'acceptable' and 'not acceptable'. i guess if you fall under the 'normal' category and only do and say the things that are 'acceptable' and therefore, are on the 'right' path- voila! you have figured out the recipe for a happy and successful life! atleast that's what we are told anyway. that is what we are socialised into, from the moment we are born, from the moment we can talk, walk, we are taught all these things, at home, at school, with our peergroups, at work, its in the media, religion, everything, everywhere, we grow up being told about all these things. its great! we listen, we are aware of these things, we follow them, we encourage others to do the same, things get done, society runs like it should do, happy ending!
but wait, what if 'you' don't really fall under the 'we's' that are mentioned above. what if you do not conform to what's known as being 'normal', to what is considered to be 'right' and to what is 'accepted'. you can never really step into someone's shoes and feel what that person must be feeling when you haven't gone through the same things, but try, put yourself in the shoes of a boy who loves another boy, a girl who loves another girl, or someone who transcends the physicality of love and it doesnt matter to them whether you are a boy or a girl. put yourself in the shoes of someone who feels they are in the 'wrong' body, that they were born the 'wrong' sex.
now think about how you felt, what you supposed 'normal' person felt like being in their shoes. the things that make sense to the world are the very things that cause chaos in theirs, especially when you are young, you will believe what you are told. but when what you are told doesnt necessarily hold true to the way you feel, doesn't support what you are, who you really are, you will think 'you' are wrong. you feel like 'you' shouldn't be the way 'you' are and that 'you' need to change. but what if you are just born the way you are, and you cannot change. being 'born' gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender it is difficult enough already, within 'yourself' as you go through the journey of finding the 'real' you, but the crude pressure outside 'you' is what makes it even harder. some give in to them and create a facade to 'fit in' whilst some stand their ground and fight to hold on to their true self, even if it means going against the grain, and taking a lot of bruises whilst uphill bound.
now think about how you felt before putting yourself in those shoes. its only human nature to shy away from something that isn't familiar. "you are wrong", "this is wrong" is only just another normal thing to say to that, but that's also the easy thing to do, which everyone does. it is 'normal' for you to do what's easy rather than what's right. it is normal to disregard something just on the grounds that something is different to what you are used to. that's the easy thing to do, but is it always right?
"sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me". sure sticks and stones do break your bones and as ironic as it maybe in this context since physical abuse related to sexuality is a growing problem, verbal abuse is also equally prevalent and subjective as it may be, it is nevertheless an issue of grave concern.
"labels are for filing. labels are for clothing. labels are not for people". when you put a label on someone and you identify them with those words rather than as people, you are treating them as objects. it may not affect you when you call someone a faggot, a queer, a dyke or say "that's so gay" but when that’s the only name someone’s been called by or the word that is essentially who you are, is used to refer to something that is stupid, weird and to basically mean that's so unacceptable, they start to loose the essence of who they really are, and are defined by those labels instead. they are not a person anymore. ‘it’ is as good as a mannequin.
family and friends are the most important people in your lives. everyone needs someone that they can count on to 'be there' for them but the fear that they probably would not do so anymore if you show them who you really are, isn't uncommon. you fear you won't be loved or accepted and that fear can push you to 'hide' yourself behind a mask, or just be invisible completely, so they wouldnt know. it's unfair that your love is said to be untrue and people do take things for granted, even small things like being able to hold hands of the one you love without a care. of course it depends where you live, and some are lucky whilst some aren't, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve the same things. everyone deserves to love and be happy and although there are bigger problems and if you think about all the war and natural disasters occuring, i guess we should all just be thankful that we are alive, but if we live just to 'stay alive' then its not really living, is it? i certainly don't want to be clichéd but in all honesty you only live once, be yourself, love yourself, let yourself and others love whoever they want to.
thank you for taking the time to read. hope you all have a good day/night/week/month! :)